True story Programmer Humor

True story
Any smart people here?
AI in nutshell
Special Algorithm
Evolution of the Comparison Operator!
Yes Abort or Yes Continue?
Gotta love them pointers
/help
Cascading Style Sheets
418 I'm a teapot
he has the knowledge of a god
fellow kids
Learn C++ in 21 Days (Most Practical way)
The identity crisis moment when you have spent weeks refactoring a piece of code and now you don't know whether it is better or worse than the last piece of shit.
I do this all the time and i'm pretty sure Evan would agree.
minmin
Came across this on a site while looking for something else
Perfect name
if not Allowed_by_Rules(this): hang(my_neck)
Wildlife Conservation Initiative
Disabled (OC)
Friends instructor tries her hand at Programmer Humor

True story

Posted: 25 Nov 2018 10:44 AM PST

submitted by /u/DaCobalt
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Any smart people here?

Posted: 25 Nov 2018 10:21 AM PST

submitted by /u/AgileSwordsman294
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AI in nutshell

Posted: 25 Nov 2018 01:53 AM PST

submitted by /u/Atlant_Storm
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Special Algorithm

Posted: 24 Nov 2018 08:13 PM PST

submitted by /u/PhilosopherAurelius
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Evolution of the Comparison Operator!

Posted: 25 Nov 2018 05:06 AM PST

submitted by /u/lucifer_alive
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Yes Abort or Yes Continue?

Posted: 25 Nov 2018 08:20 AM PST

submitted by /u/Anasbzr
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Gotta love them pointers

Posted: 24 Nov 2018 08:26 PM PST

submitted by /u/Sir-Zeph
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/help

Posted: 25 Nov 2018 04:07 AM PST

submitted by /u/Blobkin313
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Cascading Style Sheets

Posted: 25 Nov 2018 08:50 AM PST

submitted by /u/2013422000
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418 I'm a teapot

Posted: 25 Nov 2018 10:59 AM PST

submitted by /u/ThePixelCoder
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he has the knowledge of a god

Posted: 25 Nov 2018 08:24 AM PST

submitted by /u/jvyden420
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fellow kids

Posted: 25 Nov 2018 04:44 AM PST

submitted by /u/JoostVisser
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Learn C++ in 21 Days (Most Practical way)

Posted: 25 Nov 2018 04:16 AM PST

BS free Method of Learning C++ in 21 days

submitted by /u/shandanjay
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The identity crisis moment when you have spent weeks refactoring a piece of code and now you don't know whether it is better or worse than the last piece of shit.

Posted: 25 Nov 2018 10:25 AM PST

submitted by /u/kunalag129
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I do this all the time and i'm pretty sure Evan would agree.

Posted: 24 Nov 2018 11:27 PM PST

submitted by /u/Rogocraft
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minmin

Posted: 25 Nov 2018 11:14 AM PST

submitted by /u/jeffacce
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Came across this on a site while looking for something else

Posted: 25 Nov 2018 12:04 PM PST

submitted by /u/panda_nectar
[link] [comments]

Perfect name

Posted: 25 Nov 2018 01:51 PM PST

submitted by /u/jvick3
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if not Allowed_by_Rules(this): hang(my_neck)

Posted: 25 Nov 2018 09:31 AM PST

submitted by /u/Beany1028
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Wildlife Conservation Initiative

Posted: 25 Nov 2018 03:06 PM PST

submitted by /u/pentathorpe
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Disabled (OC)

Posted: 25 Nov 2018 01:32 PM PST

"Hey, Bill, good morning. I noticed there was an issue assigned to you that was running late for a week or two."

"Morning chief. What issue?"

"Issue 484, about the legacy Excel VBA routines for the spreadsheets used in our Engineering department."

"Oh."

"...is something holding you back on that?"

"Yes."

"...and what would it be?"

"I can't do them, man."

"You... cannot do them? Why?"

"I just can't."

"Like, are you unable to do them? Do you lack the specific knowledge?"

"No, no. I physically can't."

"...you're gonna have to explain that one to me, Bill."

"OK. Here's the deal. I started dating this girl, Brittany."

"I fail to-"

"Bear with me. Brittany was hot. Insanely hot. Absolutely out of my league. I could not land a girl like her even if you killed every other dude on the planet. And yet, I was dating her. Again, insanely hot."

"Bill, I don't-"

"Let me finish. So, when things started to get a little more... you know, intimate, for the first time, I said to myself: Bill, you need to last at least five minutes with this girl. It was going to be difficult. She was friggin' amazing in bed. I was about to lose it when I thought, ok, try to think of something else. You know how some guys think about baseball or football, right?"

"Hm."

"But I'm not a sports guy. So I tried my best to think: what is the most unpleasant thing I can think of? And the first thing that came to mind was programming in VBA."

"Bill-"

"And it worked man. It fucking worked. I thought of the inconsistent documentation. The shitty collection object. The horrible event handlers. I would get so infuriated I would last for ages. And Brittany loved it. I was killing it, Johnson. Killing it!"

"But what does-"

"So I kept doing it. I would even read up on VBA documentation before dates with Brittany. Did you know the documentation has shit from Office 97 somehow still mixed with the rest? I found that shit, Johnson. It was doing wonders for me."

"Bill, where the hell are you going with this?"

"What I'm trying to say is, I cannot do any work on VBA. If I open a VBA routine I get instantly aroused. I would have to leave the office after two minutes of coding. I am sorry, Johnson. I cannot do it."

"..."

"Did you really make all of that up just to get out of programming in VBA?"

"Yes."

"...I will reassign the issue to Evans. Work on your shit, Bill."

"Will do, chief."

submitted by /u/Linkman145
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Friends instructor tries her hand at Programmer Humor

Posted: 25 Nov 2018 10:07 AM PST